It’s understandable that you feel shame or embarrassment about not having the family you so wanted. Part of blaming self is a way to think it’s still possible if you change or fix it. Once you begin to see it is not anything you can fix, it can be devastating.

Truth is, some people are not capable of loving the way you want, no matter how hard you try. It’s very possible if not probable that your wife will never actually love anyone. This woman that distanced herself from the group of women your wife follows is not capable of being so cold and calculated. It sounds like she is able to view conversations and continues to find it disturbing.

It’s very important to observe and listen. To have help in identifying the toxic so you don’t end up suffering takes time. It’s hard not to take the bait and react. As I mentioned, I went through hell with my older sister. I loved her and wanted to be close, but she had a pathological jealousy and she wanted to hurt me.

Getting angry and lashing out is useless, it only gives them a sense of power. It’s very hard to comprehend that when you love and really care. Then you have the abuse of alcohol that adds more negative.

You would not want your children to end up with a spouse like this. You want them loved and respected right?

Did your children interact with your wife yesterday? It was most likely hard for them.