Thanks for clarifying. I think I understand a bit better...
One thing I did notice about this board is that it is careful to provide a 'safe place' for people. That is nice.

I also have a questioning side to me, however... A very rational side... I need to make sense of things and have a drive to do this in a fairly relentless way... This has led to me 'justifying' that the disorder is possible. I presented my 'justification' at a couple of philosophy conferences and it went quite well. A middle ground between the relentless scepticism of Spanos' Socio-Cognitive Model and Putnam, Gleaves, Ross etc Post Traumatic Model...

But yeah. I like to question and consider things abstractly and that is probably of equal importance to me as support is.

I agree with you about asking questions that only satisfy the person asking. But to me education is more than that... There is an intrinsic value in coming to understand.

I understand that the urge to deny comes in waves. It does for me too. Sometimes the dx actually feels like a relief. The assessment was a mixed blessing. It was so wonderful to speak with a clinician who seemed to understand what I was saying. To not have to backpeddal from the inevitable 'psychotic' interpretation of the voices etc. To not have all the typical 'borderline' assumptions made about me. A relief. But also fairly terrifying..

I am sure it is not an easy journey...
But we will get there...
All of us...

I hope people don't mind if I post over here occasionally.

I will remember - keep it supportive.
I can question over on the other board if I get the urge.