Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
I do not have an entire history of dating or seeking out unavailable men. I have had the full gamut of different types of relationships, and I have had MANY, MANY relationships at this point in my life. I have had good, healthy, stable, loving, wonderful relationships with many available men... I have been with a few narcissists and a few abusers... those were toxic and unhealthy for me. This last guy is perhaps the very first man I have dated who says he is not ready for a real relationship. That to me is unavailable.
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He might be the first guy to be very direct and verbal about bring unavailable.
Others might not be as direct but they weren’t available for marriage or any other mature relationship. .
Soon to be ex was stoned or otherwise drugged up often including his own wedding- that’s very much not being emotionally available , you have to be sober to be available, first example of emotional unavailability is substance abuse. Then had no place to live, no credit, no financial stability-not financially available for marriage, heck he didn’t even pay for his own wedding or honeymoon- not available or ready for marriage or serious commitment.
A guy you were engaged before had no job no income and no place to live and on drugs-that’s certainly not available for commitment and certainly not marriage etc
The point is that they are all unavailable for marriage and long term commitment. Just in a different way
This last guy was different because he was not conning you or trying to manipulate or get something out of you. He was direct about not being available. Very few people are. So I give him kudos.
But just because others weren’t direct about their unavailability it doesn’t mean they were available. You just had to dig deeper with them to see what’s up with them.