I am so sorry you are conflicted although I can definitely identify with you since I am often torn between different courses of action and paralyzed by confusion and indecision over them. It can be such a brutal experience.

Sometimes two things help me. First I take paper and pencil and actually write out the choices. I heard that writing actually activates a different part of the brain concerned with certain problem solving activities. I list the choices and then as honestly as I can I list the pros and cons of each possible choice. Sometimes this helps all by itself to give me some clarity and peace of mind.

If that doesn't work I take out another piece of paper and pencil and write out what my priorities are in life. What is most important to me really? What is secondarily important? What is even less important? Listing pros and cons sometimes doesn't help unless I have really nailed down my priorities in life.

Sometimes it helps me to set aside these papers, go to sleep and look at them the next day with fresh eyes.

Patience, when possible is also helpful to me. The passing of time can sometimes bring clarity. For one thing, it can take away the sense of urgency. It is like saying: "I am very conflicted and that is okay. It is normal in situation to be conflicted. That is very human thing. I am not going to beat myself up over being conflicted since this will probably only make things worse. When the time is right I will decide.

It there is real urgency in making a decision I will often go with my moral values. It is easy to skip this step sometimes and it often leads to life long regrets. What is my conscience telling me? This is often very helpful to me in making a decision.

What decision will allow me to live themself for the rest of my life? What decision will allow me to look myself in eye when I look into a mirror and not feel bad?

Since I am not a mental health professional or doctor, I cannot offer any of this as "advice." I am eminently UNQUALIFIED to offer advice that anyone could or should rely upon. I can only share what helps me personally knowing full well that we are all different and that what works for one person might not work for someone else.

I hope you will reach the best decision you can in your situation. I am rooting for you!