From my view, all of that OCD/DPDR/psychosis stuff.., I came back right where I started (Maybe since I was born) - I realized (In my own belief) that this life is just a small piece of the infinite, and that is a piece of a higher infinite, again and again - Until it all comes back to where we are now. It's a big fractal of fractals.

One unit of time, all of us, one God, lasting eternity (With exception maybe - That's important, then not, then again, then not again.. etc.. - This might be why people get psychosis idk). It's important to know what is real, and not be solipsistic (For me). Pain is real.. Love and truth is better.

So now I can finally relax. I don't really try to figure it out anymore. I try to act like how I used to act (But it's not the same anymore, after realizing that "life is life").

The now, this is it.. "You are much more like a whirlpool in a stream flowing… You are a process." -Alan Watts.

But, I need meaning, purpose and such, still.. - So I seek things, experiences, etc... Too much to list. I like energy, excitement etc.. I just find it hard to balance life with calmness. So I would like to have some weird obsession, pursue that, and get myself lost in it - Become a master.. Get into a flow state..

- But the thing is, is that I'm one of those "interested in everything" people.... So I break apart into pieces sometimes. I'm so general minded right now.. I enjoy just taking it all in (Even though I'm scared - cuz of my past, and what happened.. How I can relate to people. But everyone is screwed up now - So it's okay).

I feel free in some way, and had a good time - But also a horrible time. I'd like to choose the positive perspective - And the horrible times will still happen, just got to accept. Idk.