I went on this trip to visit family and strengthen my bond with them. Sure didn't work out that way. I feel so rejected. Worst of all, I feel I deserve the rejection. In a way I feel numb. In another way, I feel so bad that I wish I were never born.

In a way I want to reach out and try to heal the rift that just opened up. In another way, I want to surrender to the desire to just give up.

Right now I need more sleep.