Thanks everyone for replies. I think it helped just writing it out, and certainly to reflect on what you’ve all written.

A couple of things occurred to me through your replies, yeah name calling isn’t good, so why do I do it. Growing up I think there were ‘good’ and ‘bad’ behaviours and the one I’m writing about here was in the bad category. So we were told off, and not encouraged to talk about how we felt and why that was. I don’t think that was unusual for my 70s 80s childhood. Shame was definitely a big thing. I still automatically feel it when I experience emotion that is ‘bad’ except you would probably say these days there are no bad or good emotions- they’re just the full range of human emotions.

I was thinking about why I really snap, not the surface reason, the underlying reason and I can think of a few things. I don’t have anything as obvious as the scenario you describe Nammu, and btw I hope that everything goes okay by the time your sister goes home, family dynamics are tricky things and you’re wise for realising why she triggers you this way. Nor do I have anything as obviously stressful as the situation you’ve been coping with Revenge Tour, with your in laws, I can see that would definitely put direct stress onto you and you’d feel out of control of your own family life I’d imagine.

It’s possibly more subtle for me, and it sneaks up on me, my husband is gradually losing the ability to share the load in the household, due to his health. Most of the time I’m okay, I do and I hope I say the right things. I love him after all. But we’ve never had 50:50 split of household chores, I’ve always done more, but now I’m doing a bit more again out of necessity.

Love doesn’t keep score they say but sometimes I do feel resentful, because I’ve done all the organising and cleaning and tidying, shopping, cooking, and been to work. And I know I’m describing a lot of other peoples lives here too and that makes me feel guilty. So I’m back to ‘bad’ emotions and also tied into what it means to be a loving spouse.

The end result is me going ‘snap’ because sometimes it can feel just a bit much sometimes.

Anyhow, he’s helping out a bit more since I lost it the other day, so I think he knows what’s happening. I’m not sure if it’ll be sustainable, or how things will go with his health (maybe that’s my real fear here) but for now it’s helping that he’s trying to pitch in a little more.