The devil caught her ear and she WANTED to listen. To the point where she began to rewrite history. Truth is these are not really friends and that reality will hit her hard down the road. HER CHOICE.

Her choice to abuse alcohol contributed to her becoming more and more unavailable to both you and her children. She never deserved the power you gave her. I think this probably stems from your growing up with an alcoholic parent that was also unavailable. You were too young to understand that had nothing to do with you or your worth.

Yes, you are right in that your wife will learn some hard lessons. She will treat other men as she did you, only to use and discard. Plus her shelf life is rather short compared to yours.

Toxic people tend to use sex as a way to manipulate. Some women think that when they provide sex it has more meaning than it actually does. They give it too soon in a relationship thinking a man will want them more. That tends to not be the case and instead she is just used. Then there are women who with hold and make the man work for it. That often works as men prefer to pursue rather then be pursued. It sounds like that’s what your wife does. Yet, she is not really available in a loving caring way.

One can always tell the degree os narcissism by how a person talks about a partner. Often they will share the most personal details objectifying the other person. This is something I noticed you don’t care to engage in. That just tells me you have actual respect for the other person.

Money is another clue. You can’t really BUY another person. Narcissistic individuals tend to think buying objects secures ownership. That is another kind of being unavailable because things can’t replace real caring.

Then there is resentment where a toxic person decides they are entitled to a partners money when they are not. They often practice bullying and guilt tripping in order to get whatever money they can. It’s a manipulation tactic and you almost gave in and gave too much. You were too willing to blame yourself when NOW you are starting to see the truth.

It’s ok to work hard for someone, but it’s important that person is actually available to appreciate it in a HEALTHY way.