I just got home from having lunch with my friend S, thank you for the idea I don't know why I never think of things like this on my own yes I do because I don't feel worthy of other people's time. We had a really good talk, she's one of the few people in my life I feel like I can be real with. Anyway while I was driving home I was thinking. I was like hmm. Is all this stuff going on with h right now just more of my previously-denied need for drama? And then it hit me all of a sudden - I can create all the ******* drama my little heart desires in my writing, and from there, it doesn't have to affect my life at all.

I shall now proceed to introduce "drama queen" to my keyboard. I'm sure they will get along famously!