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Originally Posted by Embracingtruth
I use to think EXACTLY like you. Now that I'm parking it close to 60, it feels like a lifetime ago. But the irony of that is when I met my wife -to-be, I had abandoned any hope of ever maintaining any meaningful relationship , least of all getting married. So what changed?
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That is how I eventually starte my last serious relationship. I had other things to do, absolutely not time etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Embracingtruth
So when I quit placing all the merits in these individuals , which I helped create through unrealistic expectations, and started liking my own life without them, then (and only then) did my vision become clear because I thought about myself FIRST.
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But basically, it means accepting my loneliness, hoping that I can build up some kind of a life within a reasonable timespan and then maybe ... to me, now, it does not seem worth the effort. This involves so many uncertainties that going on, only to try and probably having to continue with empty hands does not make sense anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Embracingtruth
So instead of you seeing your life as that of someone "alone", you need to see it as a valued world that belongs to YOU. Yes, another person can bring valued experiences into that world, but they also bring everything else that is less inviting. And if you do not know where you stand for yourself, what do you do when they need your help when they fall down? You have to be able stand alone before you stand beside another person. That means happiness needs to start with you first.
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I often notice that I feel better when I can stand next to somebody who needs support. For me, that is part of what makes life meaningful. I can't imagine any sense of purpose when I have to continue living in isolation (yes, I do see a lot of people these days but the moment I go home, meeting people only makes it more obvious how much I suffer from being alone.
I have no talent for happiness.