Last year I was at such a low point.

There was no talking with her, no reasoning, and the house was under such constant tension.

I honestly felt that if I could just weather or withstand 5 more years until the youngest was in college, how good it would be to just pass from natural causes. My work would be over.

Thursday and Friday I was right back to that point. There was no future, no hope, nothing positive, nothing to look forward to.

I spent part of the day yesterday wondering how I could get through to her. Remembering good memories, remembering times we were close and her laugh and her smell.

I called my dad. I told him I still wonder about getting through to her and it's hard to let a lifetime go.

He said, that's because you've never lost before. You've had challenges with health, money, education, finding major damage in your home, kids' health, but you've always found a way. There wasn't a problem that you couldn't solve by thinking and working harder. And there's nothing you ever started that you didn't finish. You can't solve this one, and you don't know what to do.