I am not myself these days. I don't feel great and I spend all day in bed or feeling restless. There's literally no in between. Today I have felt better than most other days. I may need an adjustment in my bipolar meds but I just don't trust my doctor enough to even tell him how I'm feeling. I'm doing myself a disservice I know, but after having some awkward conversations with him, I'm happier just telling him everything is fine and going on as is. I guess I should explain my apprehension -- my current psychiatrist isn't the one who put me on the meds I take now, so he isn't exactly happy with my cocktail -- but they have been working so we use it. I'm afraid if I give him too much reason to think they aren't working he'll want to try something else and I'm not ready for try my 1000th med combo. I'll probably just have to grow a pair and come clean to him about it not working as effective as in the beginning. We'll see.

This is the first time in about two weeks I've been able to actually sit down and reflect some. IOP has been very difficult for me to even pay attention. It'll wrap up in the coming weeks and I'll go back to therapy once a week. We're gonna focus on traumas and boy and I not wanting, but know I need, to do that. It's a lot to process.


I'm feeling pretty alone these days. Wish I had more friends online and in real life to just relate with.