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Originally Posted by Embracingtruth
The problem with putting two people together who are there for support is that eventfully one of them gets better. Once they get better, the other person's support loses its value. You have to want to be there for very organic reasons besides needs. Because if you're literally checking off the list of things to do in a day with someone, I got to believe that bleeds out on how you interact with them and how they subsequently read you.
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I was merely responding to the question what I would do in diffcult times. Probably I did not express myself sufficiently clear.
It is not that I have a checklist of things that need to be done. I am insecure and long for clarity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Embracingtruth
If self-happiness is something you are not good at, then you know what you need to do. Because the one thing I DO know about lasting relationships is if you do not have an internal gauge for understanding yourself then you're destined to misread everyone else. Why? Because being with people in a meaningful relationship means you develop not only a understanding of their motivations, moods, shortcomings, strengths, and weaknesses, but how you fit into that and whether they can do the same for you.
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It will take years to build up this self-happiness. Maybe twenty, thirty or more. By the time I can think of starting to live, it will all be over. So basically, this means it is not going to happen for me. Not ever. I am not sure whether I want to endure so much loneliness for so long, knowing that by the time I might feel better about myself it will be too late to connect with somebody.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Embracingtruth
You have to give allot of yourself in relationships which means you have to know where you stand with yourself to be there properly for others. What you said in your last update was very telling. You placed all the weight on what you didn't do rather than what the two of you did do. It sounded like you were grading a meet and greet with a rock star. " We got to talk and the autograph, but I never received the photo op I was promised," You see how mechanical that sounds? It felt very transactional. I didn't get any sense there were two people trying to connect in that depiction.
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I tend to become very analytical when I am insecure. And I believe I should get this situation out of my head. That is why I focus on the things that dont happen. Also my anxiety dictates me to think like this.
Also, agreeing on an activity and then deciding you won't go through with it, does not feel very encouraging nor reassuring.