More ruminations....

The house we had together is nice. In the several years that we've been here, even though we could have made the spaces much more enjoyable with comfortable furniture, TVs, places to hang out...

Ah, the life that could have been. Don't understand why narcs don't want to enjoy the little things in life. Had it been important to him, it would have happened. It was important to me, and I tried, but I ran into roadblocks.

I miss good company inside my house. And I'm at the point I don't necessarily mean a SO, but maybe even a family member. As a member of a family of 6, there was always something going on. Of course, there were problems just like everywhere, but my immediate family was loving. Come to think of it, there never was any screaming in my house growing up. So, when it happened with this person, it was completely foreign to me and I didn't know how to react or what to do.

FWIW, today he was in his best behavior. Knowing this is only temporary... saddens me. I feel like I've wasted years of my life and the opportunity to have my own family.

Hopefully, tomorrow, will be a better day.