I took some meds to help me sleep. I took a Vicodin, some Benadryl and an extra 30 mg of amitriptyline. I took that over 3 hours ago. Earlier I had taken my usual 50 mg of amitriptyline, melatonin 10 mg, some magnesium and a muscle relaxer. Yet, after all that, here I am wide awake. I hadn't slept well the previous nights, so I should be tired. I am tired.

I went thru boxes of things from my parents' house. They are both deceased. I looked thru bunches of sympathy cards from all the funerals in our family. I got sorrowful and weepy doing that. So many of the people I loved are gone. I was starting to wish that I was with them.

There was a time when I had all those relatives to visit . . . when I had my parents to visit. Visits were happy, and we talked and talked. Now I'm in this house, getting the silent treatment from my sister's husband and their son. I can't wait to get out of here. I'll probably never come here again.

My sister tries to be unfailingly nice. She pretends to not notice the passive-aggressive silent treatment going on. Maybe she thinks I'm such a fool that I'm not noticing it.

I do feel like a fool here.