I made this trip, envisioning that it was going to be a love-fest with what family I have left. My parents are gone. My boyfriend, who was my love and companion for decades, is gone. All my uncles and aunts are passed away. My favorite cousins are dead. I came thousands of miles to partake of what family I still have. I thought coming out here would refresh my soul. The reality has been very different. It is what it is. Stressful. Uncomfortable. Alone in this house, I've cried my heart out, these past few hours, remembering the times of old, when extended family gathered and stayed up all night talking and sharing and generating closeness and warmth. Everyone talked to everyone.