Hi Billy. Welcome to the forums.

I struggled with anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia (not homebound, just fear that made me want to stay there). This came to a head about 14 years ago. In retrospect, I suspect part of it was caused by the reasons I'm on the forums now (covert passive aggressive spouse) and I was also exhausted caring for a very active toddler at the time.

It sucks. I feel for you. But if it gives you any hope, I've pretty much overcome my anxiety disorder at this point. It will catch up to me at times, and life isn't always a bowl full of cherries, but now I mostly have the coping skills that get through it within a relatively short time. And knowing it will end soon, it doesn't bother me nearly as much. At one time though, it was debilitating. Debilitating enough that I couldn't even get myself to a doctor's office for help.

What pretty much changed my life were a couple of books by a woman named Claire Weekes. I think one titled Hope and Help for Your Nerves is still relatively available. That one, and a book she had about agoraphobia, were life altering for me. She discusses how, for a lot of people, our nervous systems become sensitized. Like think about when you're almost in an accident. For the rest of the day, you're hyper aware of everything around you- you're sensitized. Then the next day, your nerves calm down and you go back to normal.

But with anxiety, you can get sensitized and stay sensitized. For a lot of people, the fear of dealing with anxiety and panic is the exact thing that keeps them in the cycle. She explains this very well and was a pioneer in cognitive behavioral therapy to deal with it.

That's not to say it will work for everyone, but if that sort of thing resonates with you...

At the peek of my anxiety, I could be sitting in the living room, with the house sealed up tight, and hear someone slam a car door four houses away. Made me feel like my skin was crawling. Now, though it took a number of years. I often don't even hear someone come into the house. It takes time, but it is possible to rewire anxiety response for some people.

Nowadays, if I start having anxiety or become obsessive, particularly if I get stuck on one thought, I can usually guess the culprit is exhaustion. I rest a bit more for a few days, and the anxiety goes on its way. Obsessing over a particular thought is a clear sign of exhaustion for me- that I didn't understand for many years.

Out of curiosity, is there any particular anniversary or event that you can associate with the time of year your attacks start? They say the mind always remembers even if you aren't aware of it. Is it possible that something is triggering you at a certain point in the year? My mother always got a little depressed in the fall, but it wasn't until she was in her thirties that she realized it was because she hated going back to school as a kid.

Anyway, I have to wrap this up for now, but you're not alone.