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Yaowen
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Default May 24, 2023 at 08:47 PM
 
That is a very tough question to answer for a couple of reasons.

There is some lack of consensus among psychotherapists on what is helpful in assisting the grieving. This lack of consensus is based on disagreements among the various schools of psychology on questions such as: Is there one or many healthy ways to grieve? How "ought" a person grieve in order for that person to have the best life outcome?

Do people who grieve in non-traditional ways, ways considered unhealthy have worse outcomes than those who grieve according to the models proposed by the various schools of psychology, schools such as cognitive behavior therapy, existential therapy, depth therapy, and so on?

If there is some lack of consensus among professionals who devote their entire lives and careers to this work, I think that should give us as non-professionals a certain humility when it comes to helping our grieving friends and relatives.

Intellectual humility is almost certainly a virtue here. And so is prudence I think. The first principle of medicine is something that not everyone knows about. The first principle of medicine is: first, do no harm.

Not doing harm in helping a grieving person is using humility and prudence carefully so as not to cross that line between being helpful and being intrusive.

There are things we can do as friends that professionals cannot do. And there are things professionals can do that we are not really qualified to do.

And it takes a lot of insight and wisdom to know how in the unique situations that are always cropping up in friendships, what is truly helpful and what perhaps does harm even if that harm is innocently done.

I think one area where there is consensus among psychologists on how friends and relations can be helpful to a person grieving is just in being available to the person.

Being "available" is kind of midpoint between doing nothing and being intrusive. Being "available" may sound like nothing but is actually something quite important.

You are clearly a good friend and your concern springs from and is engendered in a very heartfelt way.

I wish you only the best in being truly helpful to your friend. I also hope that others here on the Forum, the many others with more knowledge, experience, insight and heart will see your post today and respond with better words than my poor words!

Best to luck to you and please lean on us for moral support as your navigate this situation day to day. So sorry I could not be helpful to you in this.
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