Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
So, what is your answer? Were you too in love to want to face the fact that it is abuse? Did you think instead that it was all somehow your own fault or something you've done to deserve that kind of treatment? Did you ignore the signs of abuse and dismiss them?
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I have not forgiven my narc ex in my own mind yet... I have and I haven't. Parts of me are still outraged by his treatment of me and it is still a little too fresh. And I don't wish him healing.. they will never heal, by the way, and they will never be better than who they are now. I wish my ex well, but that is it.
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I was never in love with him. I figured it would come with time and I was thinking about the lines of "good enough." I don't doubt for a second that I deserved that treatment. I did endure 3 instances of physical abuse, but he knows I'll fight back so he was careful about it.
I tried to talk to him about these problems... Obviously, it didn't work. The circular arguments... It was all in my head, he didn't remember doing it, blah, blah, blah.
I learned a lot about emotional abuse... basically, anything that is not physical because it is not as evident. I just knew something was off but couldn't put my finger on it.
This is good because I get it off my chest, I get feedback from people who don't know, and it's helped me think and introspect. Hopefully, someone out there reads stuff like this and realize that they weren't alone.
Thanks, all, for your input. I appreciate it.