I think what you are saying about being sensitized is sort of the same thing I was thinking when I said it was a near-pavlovian response - I become anxious because I expect to be. And when I have one attack, it becomes easier to keep having them until I can break out of that cycle. I can't say for sure if there was any experience around this time of year that really triggered it. When I was younger, I would often get depressed around the holidays, but that was because I was alone. There could be some kind of abandonment issue stuck in there tied in to all of this that is related to my annual anxiety... or maybe not. I'm certainly not an expert!

And I also relate to the point about exhaustion, as well. Kind of like what we were talking about in the post just above, I can't really listen to my body when it says I need to take a step back from work and focus on something else for awhile. When I get really deep into a problem or something I'm programming, I get to a point where it's all I even dream about. It doesn't stress me out in the moment, but it seems when I'm at a point where I really am done with my work and should let go and can't that it will really get to me.

Again, thank you (both!) for talking with me and sharing your experiences. In the last few days I've found that just coming here and talking has been a helpfully grounding experience.