I got thru another night. I slept pretty well for maybe 4 hours. Wish I could go back to sleep now. Yes, this is way too long to be a guest. I'm not sleeping or eating much. My nephew left here yesterday. His mother told him to say goodbye to me, so he said goodbye as he walked past the open door of a room I was in. It was perfunctory.

I'm not as angry as I was the evening before last. I'm just weary. My sister was chatty last night after hubby went to bed. She offered criticism of how I handled a situation I had been telling her about. Her chatting at me regularly includes comments about how I mishandle this, that or the other thing. She's always been judgemental. The smartest thing I can do is refrain from confiding in her about any challenges I've dealt with, especially those involving interpersonal relations. She's quick to say what she would do differently . . . what she would or wouldn't put up with. It doesn't seem to occur to her that it can be good to just listen quietly and receptively, without pronouncing judgement and second-guessing and opinionating on everything.

I learned long ago to never confide in her about having a spell of depression. She would say, "I have plenty of things I could get depressed about, but I don't let myself." Or, "Use your coping skills!" I finally realized last evening that the less I reveal, the less of a target I'll make myself. It's probably best to stay mindful of neutral topics - like the weather, cooking or gardening - that I can shift the conversation to, as a way of not having to get critiqued so often. She tells me that she hates conversations about politics and, then, goes on to tell me what she thinks of politicians and how she has told people not to try and influence her with their political beliefs. I recognize this as a good time for me to not say much.

I seem to be suddenly learning the value of not saying much. It's even possible to talk a lot, without saying much. I was putting way too much value on deep heart-to-heart talks, thinking that earnestness is the mark of good communication. Sometimes it's safer to keep things light. It's okay to be superficial. We don't have to always bare our souls and put our guts on the table. Any experience can be enlightening. That's how I'm trying to look at this visit. Forming my thoughts in this thread is helping me.

I've mainly needed to calm down. A lot of the stress I've been complaining about is stress I'm causing for myself. I'm exhausted from it. I very much wanted to be the ideal house guest. That's caused me a lot of anxiety. Hour after hour of relentless worrying has given me chest pain and headaches.

Right now I'm worrying that I should get up and get dressed and leave this guest room. I'm afraid they'll be thinking I'm lazy, if I don't get up as early as they do. I need to stop that. I'm tired and could do with another hour of sleep. I might get it, if I quit worrying.