I keep hearing in this, that a lot of times, women get in trouble with men because they dont want to be seen as impolite. So they respond when they should really keep a boundary. Which is what jay is doing, holding his boundary. So im not buying this oh he is rude argument. Also it sounds like your stbexh's behavior more than yours, like you learned it from him. He desensitized you to it by encroaching on your boundaries all the time.