I did get an hour's more sleep. It has felt less tense here today. BIL is a bit less distant.

I've been going through old family photos. Selecting ones to take back with me. I got very weepy doing this. The sense of loss I feel is bad.

I think of calling my other sister. I feel so guilty. I just don't have enough faith that she'ld even want to hear from me. I wish I could erase what happened. I just failed so bad at us having the happy reunion I'ld planned.

There used to be other relatives I'ld visit when I was out this way. My visits with them would be so warm. They've passed away. I wish they were here and I'ld go to them. My heart is breaking.

After today, there's two more days. I feel crushed. I need to talk to someone understanding. I want to go somewhere by myself. I should have rented a car.