Hi,

thank you for explaining me so well codependency and the logic behind it.

i think my case is different though. i have always had to emotionally provide comfort to myself alone and even if during the years i have tried to help others (mom especially - but also many other people met online), it never got to the point where i could not count on her on emergencies.

my doubts here come from WHY i want to reach emergencies to be taken care of or better, WHY, i want my doctors to get worried about me and save my life.

i've understood why i cannot do it myself, but i think its manipulative on my part to seek that from them and i hate it.

but im like that only with doctors, no one else knows of my daily struggles and plans to commit suicide.

why do i want doctors to save me from suicide?

or better, why do i want to attempt seriously and fail?