I dont think its even that, i feel i already have it.

maybe i want them to see how "twisetd" i am for wanting to hurt myself (in any way) and tell me not to do it for xy reasons.

im looking for reasons not to hurt myself or kill myself. and i think only docs can give me that. maybe that why.

thank you for helping me thinking about this. its VERY important to me.

also, i feel kind of proud for wanting to hurt myself, i dont know why.