I'm ok.

I'm facing who she truly is or has become and that's hard. Accepting truth is hard. Accepting that there is no hope of things becoming better or of me ever having her is hard. But so far not as hard as I would have expected.

I look at things here, and we are all moving forward. My daughter's counselor asked me into her last appointment and coached me on things my kids need from me. The oldest, who was so targeted by his mom, is prone to angry outbursts. He's struggling with the complete rejection he has experienced from her.

All the kids are struggling with executive function, due to being on edge for so long. She told me, chore lists and consequences aren't going to work. You actually will have to do stuff with them step by step.

We are all increasingly less afraid. I've very much realized they need me to lead them out of this. They need a lot of unprompted hugs and reassurances that we are ok, and that I'm with them in every way.

We have supper together every day. We go for drives and crank their music. We watch horror movies together and play board games and do homework and talk about dreams of dirt bikes and owning horses.