Thank you TGal.

A friend told me she fakes (happiness, stability) too and that everyone does (who doesn't want to show they are suffering).

I had to unlearn years of bad behavior I learned from my family in the past...Moving away from them helps and working at customer service job and office job helps as well.

I guess the only place to really share your negative feelings is with a psychologist and mental health supportive environment. I don't have one yet but plan to eventually.