Yes, I understand what you mean.

I have been trapped in my negative emotions every day for a very long time that it became too comfortable. I associated everything to support my grief. When it rained, I associated as mother nature crying with me. Now I refuse to entertain or associate anything with my emotions. I see everything external from as completely separate from me. I try not to cry anymore when I hear a celebrity died because I never met them. I try not to go in that sad space. Being too comfortable with negative emotions made it a struggle to find a job and hold them although I had my part time store job that I didn't love but I fought to keep it.

I try not to think about the past or how bad my family treated me horribly. I know I will be in a mess if I do. Nothing positive comes out of it

I try to be grateful for my jobs because my life was a mess before.

I had to find ways to improve my moods even if it was temporary. I watched youtube channels on communication in business, motivational success videos etc. just to set me in the proper mood before work. I also watched stand up comedians that I liked too when I was really low and it helped me not to take life so seriously.