I was a troubled child. Eating disorder very young. Turned to drinking, drugs and self harm as a young teenage, bulimia and sex as an older teen. Still no meds or therapy. Then I met my husband at 17 and we planned to have our child. I went into a psychotic depression for almost a year. I wasn't allowed alone with my son, still couldn't get help. Moved and tried to get help for the eating disorder and was not underweight enough. Finally by the time I was 20 the Dr listened. He put me on an ad. I became in raged he said to stop the med but nothing else. I saw a different Dr and he dx bipolar. Put me on meds and sent me to a really bad psychiatrist. I saw her for years and nothing helped. So for 3 years I gave up. Then I got paranoid and went to a therapist for advocacy to keep me out of the hospital. They convinced me to see a psychiatrist again but I wouldn't try aps. That helped but not as much as it could. Then I had psychosis on a family trip which I ruined and decided to give APs a try. I was more stable but they didn't have the right dx. Once they had the right dx. I was on a slew of meds to keep me as stable as possible. I didn't have the words to explain what I was feeling/thinking. Then I ran out of meds. Went to an urgent care and asked for help sleeping. I went from 4 meds to 2. I'm stable now but in a lower more mellow point than I'd like. Currently I'm not in an active eating disorder, self harming or anything like that but I have no motivation and lay in bed scrolling on my phone.