My illness did not surface until I was a freshmen in college. There were precursors in HS, but they didn’t rise to a level of note until years later. As a freshman I was deeply despondent and left my group one night looking for a bridge I could jump off of. Was standing on a bridge but hesitating because I couldn’t see if it was deep enough. A police officer grabbed me off and drove me back to campus. The dorm floor was in an uproar since i disappeared. I was sent to the campus counseling center were I was told, well basically, to think happy thought and things would be fine. That scared me straight for a number of years where I preformed “as if” and wore a mask. I married and my husband was a psychopath ( diagnosed during our divorce) . That was the can opener that ripped me open, the point of no return as far as stress.

Starting then I was diagnosed with PTSD and major depression and put on meds. The ADs and benzos lead to depersonalization and dissociation and multiple other diagnoses that were med induced. I spent years in and out of hospitals and being committed. I finally said enough and quit all meds only had one psychologist. She noted the mania and depression and ptsd but I won’t go back on meds. Life was crazy but it was better of meds. Then I read how ads were not for bipolar and gave meds a chance again. The ptsd was treated by the excellent therapist and the bipolar has been in remission for 8 years. It’s been a hell of a ride.