When looking back, I believe my bipolar illness started when I was quite young. By 14 years old, I was ill enough to go on an anxiety med. By 16, I was so ill that I thought I had schizophrenia. That year was so traumatic. One day at school, I was so in mental agony that I passed out and came to in hysterics. Probably near 50 students were looking down at me on the floor, crying out the most desperate things. After that the school ordered my parents to get me therapy, but it didn't help. A good counselor recommended I go to a particular private school, which my parents agreed to. There I was a bit better, but a bit withdrawn.

My first psychiatrist was at college. He prescribed Prozac when I was in a mixed state. Mistake! As were the many other ADs prescribed by GPs in years following. I would start the AD, then grow hypomanic and stop it. Repeat. Repeat. In my junior year I barely went to classes (or out of bed), getting terrible grades and taking the minimum credits. Long long periods of hypomania and mild mania (elated to anxious/agitated/irritable, to put mildly) were most common for me with depression and anxiety ocasional.

After college, I went to Taiwan (half across the world) to study and work. I grew manic, then severely depressed. My boss took me to the hospital because I stopped going to my job. They gave me piles of meds, surely with an AD. I grew full blown manic, quit (losing money) and left to go to Hong Kong and Thailand by myself, at 24. Slept with a few men I had only just met. Unlike me. I only "switched" after getting pickpocked on the island of Ko Samui. I barely had money to return to Bangkok. Some of that time was a blank. Manic blackout.

Same pattern of GP and ADs after returning to the US until the GP referred me to a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 32. I had been married to my hubby for five years at that time. I refused meds and the diagnosis, so my illness worsened. My mother's sudden death triggered the worst episode at that point. Six work colleagues went to HR about me. I nearly got fired. Instead, I quit on the spot and drove home planning to crash into a tree. I was out of control. The pdoc who diagnosed me sent me to the psych hospital, which was followed by a six-month IOP. I also detoxed from alcohol, which I abused off and on since my teens. Only brief periods separated 10 subsequent psych hospitalizations (and IOPs) in 3 1/2 years, only about half of which I remember well (bipolar blackouts).
Altogether, I spent a total of nearly two years in IOPs and inpatient combined. Most times I was manic with mixed features and psychotic.

After the above, I started on SSDI. The early years on it were still quite bad, but my pdoc kept me out of the hospital, even after a manic psychosis caused six police officers to arrive at my house, thinking there was a murder.

As time passed, I was better stabilized, yet half of the time (years) low level hypomanic then medium level depressed (a few years), barely getting out of bed or doing anything.

But I did gradually improve. The turning point was a good med mix, a good therapist, and an ability to benefit from CBT. Low stress lifestyle was also crucial, as stress was always a factor in my episodes.

Years back, I wouldn't have dreamed of being able to move to Europe to start a new life. It's been three years here in Czech Republic. I've had only brief and mostly mild episodes. I do have some hurdles, but it's OK. I'm optimistic enough about the future.