I always was a very anxious child with insomnia from as early as I remember. I grew up in a household with physical and verbal abuse and I had sexual abuse from an uncle. I was depressed in high school, but doing well - overachieving, class valedictorian, perfectionist. In college, I continued to overachieve grade-wise (all A's, just 1 B in microbiology, better grades than most pre-med and pre-vet students in my major). In college, I started a long journey with eating disorders, mostly anorexia and extreme overexercise. I never was hospitalized though should have been and I was diagnosed with major depression and put on a slew of anti-depressionts. Hospitalized twice, and it took over 10 years to get a diagnosis of bipolar though if they had asked the right questions (overspending, casual sex, hopping on a plane to Canada to have sex with a guy I met on the internet) I could have be diagnosed bipolar in the beginning.

I had another hospitalization in grad school, never could hold down a job. I tried research, teaching, just always quit within a month. Pdoc finally determined a job was not compatible with my illness as it drove me to mania and rashness and I couldn't cope with the stress.

I had my daughter and it was after her birth I was first diagnosed with postpartum depression though I got copies of those medical records and the pdoc was questioning bipolar at day one. One of the work situations caused me to become manic and she saw me during the episode changing my diagnosis.

Over the years, the mania I have seems like it's worse. I had a huge psychotic episode last November triggered perhaps in part by a meds tweak. I don't know. The lithium keeps me a bit better with money, but lately, I have had the worst round of depression I should have gone into the hospital. I'm stabilized somewhat now after being put on Vraylar but that is causing me some insomnia and Zyprexa weight gain. My pdoc no longer causally tinkers with my meds since having that psychotic episode I hardly remember.

I guess the main thing that has changed is that hubby is no longer casually dismissive of my meds. He used to act like he doubted I needed them, but after the lithium helped the finances and after that extreme psychotic episode, he is much more supportive of my seeing the pdoc and taking meds. Having his support has helped me tremendously.