We had a small bbq today. It was quite pleasant. I picked my grandma up from her house to bring her here and the whole time I was praying (sort of - I’m not religious) that she’d still be alive by the time we got there. I was puzzled about my worse than usual anxiety until I realized that today is the anniversary of my first husband’s sudden death from a drug overdose.



So anyway. Everything went well. I’m kind of afraid to go to sleep because I’m afraid someone’s gonna be dead when I wake up. It’s hard for me to reason through this particular brand of anxiety because it really could happen. And I can’t tell myself it’s unlikely because it was unlikely eight years ago but it happened.

Ugh. I don’t know. I’m watching a comedy on Netflix to kind of take my mind off everything. Hopefully I’ll be able to calm down before bedtime.