Looking back on the last week ...

Last Friday, I had a chance meeting with somebody I've "known" for three years. That is, I take painting classes, she does ceramics and at the end of the evening we occasionally meet at the bicycle stand, we later ended up riding together for part of our way home and then she stopped taking classes. I've always had a soft spot for her and have always been mad at myself for not daring to ask her if we could some time meet. We hadn't even spoken for more than 15 minutes. I didn't even know her name. And last Friday, we've been talking for over an hour. We said goodbye five time. We laughed, she cried (when she explained why she had to stop taking classes), we laughed again and everything felt OK. I know her name now and have her number and we will meet after my exams ...

As for the woman I've been agonizing over the last few months ... we had our normal rides home. We've been on stage together (OMG - I'm going to be onstage for a few hundred people), and after she took me to a birthday party of a friend whom I had never even seen, we've been to a concert yesterday (but she came with a friend who also fancies her and she has been talking a few times about how he's a nice friend but nothing more and how she is hesitant to go to workshops etc because he is doing it solely for her). She talked about still suffering from her last breakup (so my intuition about not moving too fast is probably right). But there is also a down side: we planned to go on tango weekend in september but she feels guilty towards the person I am taking classes with so she plans on going with the friend mentioned above. She asked if I preferred dancing with her (in general) over my lesson partner and as the other guy was around, I was to shy to say yes but she made a remark that the look on my face was quite clear. And to end the story: on the way home she asked which day I had time to go for a run (which she declined last week, which send my thoughts off in a downward spiral) ...

I think in the current situation, she is mostly involved in "not being alone" too much. Sadly, for me she is somebody in whom I see a lot of potential but it will never happen.

On a positive note: this tango dancing does a lot of good for me. I feel I am more open, more free in social contact than I have ever been, it even replaces the mountainbiking I had to give up and I am more confident than before (but given where I started out confidence-wise, that is still not saying much). It is just meeting this one person and my anxiety for a possible/probable rejection that often makes it hard to pack my shoes and leave the house.

And I should focus on my exams ...