I was a very anxious child which was very much exacerbated by my home life. Those of you who have seen what I wrote about my father's recent antics may be disheartened to know he has always been that... "charming." This has gone a very welcome 180° where I was introduced to a coping mechanism that, for the most part, has nipped my anxiety in the bud.

I'm convinced I had my first manic episode at 18. In short: I bought a house. I bought it without really thinking. All I remember was the euphoria of having my house. A house I didn't need. A house that became a financial drain. A house that has been (and still is) an impediment on me getting on with my @#$& life. Luckily, some financial maneuvering I did means I own my place free and clear. Upkeep and property taxes...

When I was in college, I had, in retrospect, noticable shift in energy levels and mood. There were many times I had trouble dragging myself out of bed and about as many days showing up to class in my pajamas. In a bit of ironic foreshadowing, I called the upticks "going manic," without really realizing what that means. This unstable dynamic continued until my first IP experience at 22 for depressive symptoms. There, the doc gave me an antidepressant that turned me from 0 to 180 in a day. I was loving the mood change given the previous few months, but the docs on the ward didn't seem too concerned about the obvious hypomania right in front of them!

It took two more years to get an official diagnosis of bipolar disorder from the PsychNP I still see today. I lucked out there! Where I didn't luck out was meds. We did the not unfamiliar experimentation with various meds, med combos and other treatments for about five to six years. Nothing had a lasting effect until we lucked out on a combo that worked! Sadly, that five to six year window meant I basically rampaged through my twenties in thrall to the illness, causing issues with finishing college, keeping employment and having enough finances to get by.

Today, I'm currently on a combination of lithium and lamotrigine that has kept me stable for the past three years. I'm currently 33 and I'm stuck picking up the pieces of my "roaring twenties." It sucks, but I at least have a measure of stability to build from.