Quote:
|
he was overwhelmed by the fact that he was standing between two important people
|
He should not place his mother in the type of position he describes.
He thinks of himself as between two important people because he has accepted his mother's narrative that you and she are competing.
He has to reject that narrative.
A healthy parental relationship is on an entirely different level from a healthy romantic relationship. They aren't competitive. An appropriate parent welcomes and celebrates, not resents and resists, the presence of a healthy life-partner relationship for their child.
What were the arguments about?
Quote:
|
And that he thought I was trying to limit his contact with his mother.
|
Yes, and well you should!!
His mother should not have the kind of access to him that you describe. His mother should not be influencing whether or not he spends time with you.
What you want is appropriate and healthy. What he wants is different.
As long as you are interested in him, I suggest that you keep insisting on what you want. Don't give in to him on this, or your relationship with be a nightmare threesome for as long as she is living.
If he wants you enough, he might be willing to try to learn and change. If he is, he needs to see a therapist. Perhaps he doesn't understand how far out of line he and his mother are in this regard. Perhaps a therapist can help him see, and change. Perhaps couples therapy would be helpful as well in getting him to see and change. Therapy mighty not be successful, as Rose suggested, but I don't know what else to try...
You might want to set a time limit, privately, just for yourself. If things are not substantially better in _____ months, you are moving on. This will perhaps protect you from waiting and waiting forever for the change that never comes.