|
True anger doesn't need berating someone to express it. True anger focuses on the thing that causes the anger & expresses those thoughts in a rational manor without emitions leading to berating to ever get involved. Been there done that myself.
My now ex thought sarcasm was a funny & cute thing to do right after we first got married. Ok....when challenged like that can throw it back with the best of them....but for me, doing that for awhile made me feel horrible. After a few months of dealing with it I finally set my boundary & said enough. You want to live like that go live elsewhere because I REFUSE to tolerate it any more. It seriously took him about a year to slowly stop this behavior with my remindings every time he did it & my not throwing sarcasm back in his face. It was put down sarcasm & I knew he was not smarter or wiser than me ever.
Over 33 years we were married he did things that kept driving up my anger & I would blow up like a pressure cooker just to keep my sanity.....it finally got so bad I was actually seeing red (not just a saying) every time I had to deal with him. I got to the point I hated him & didn't care how I expressed my anger by the time I left. Fast forward 11 years & lots of good therapy, when I finally saw him again before a court case I had against him, we were able to sit down & discuss rationally the things that had made me angry & the things that still did but without the anger emotion being in charge.
Yes, it sounds like your fiance has anger issues & never learned the skills needed to express himself in a truly functional way. His dysfunctional expression of anger leads to your own dysfunctional way of responding & 2 wrongs never make a right & do nothing but tear relationships apart.
Would I ever go back to my ex after learning skills to deal with my anger??.......NEVER. I know that even knowing my skills to be more functional if I were constantly pushed by the things he does 24/7. my anger would build up again if my life were forced to again deal with those things which in my case negatively impacted my life.
Relationships are a huge challenge & sometimes we have to come to a point of determining if they really are worth it (& love has nothing to do with that). Our own well being must be our priority.
__________________
Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
|