Ask your psychiatrist to refer you to a good psychologist.

This is my take on your situation, so take what might be useful for you and leave the rest. Keep in mind that I don't know your entire story and that I am also coming at this from my own biases based on my set of life experiences.


Find a good psychologist: someone who understands not only classical psychotherapy, art/myth and philosophy but who also knows the techniques of dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), as well.

It is possible you may have to consult more than one person who can teach you how to manage yourself. Ultimately, you need to take responsibility for your own healing, but that doesn't mean doing it all alone. I hope that makes sense.


One thing that the good psychologist I had in the past said to me was that I'd have to "see myself within context" and to "see the paradoxes in which I live".

Somehow, to me, my paradoxes although contradictory on the outside seem very much to have an internal logic.

For instance...



You also need to look at the payoffs... even in destruction what are you getting out of it?

You seem to be a highly intellectual person and this can be good, but it can also be your Achilles Heel... yet another paradox.

You need to understand yourself and your motivations in an intellectual manner, but also find a way to cultivate a greater sense of "the being" and "the doing" (not only "the thinking" which if taken too far becomes masturbatory) by pursuing something like DBT which incorporates some Buddhist practices and mindfulness.

Or you might need a martial art to practice. Or something else that is really physical like swimming or jogging.


You also might consider doing some volunteer work to help others and ground yourself in the practical. I have a friend who finds great comfort in helping at a soup kitchen for people who do not have enough to eat. Some people prefer to help animals.

Rest assured that you are completely normal in the realm of the human condition and that it's a matter of putting together the pieces of the puzzle and figuring it all out.


Anyway, I hope some of what I've said helps.

Hugs, if wanted...