Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosie758
I will tell you that it is difficult for me to be in this situation because I loved him very much. And he also loved me, I saw it. Unless, unfortunately, these were just words, because he told me many beautiful things and promised me a lot... That I am the love of his life, that for the first time he loved someone so much that he would like to start a family with me. But actions should come before words.
On the other hand, I feel guilty and like the evil one who kept fussing with him about his mother, he said he was tired of it. But was it really a mistake to want a normal relationship? Without a third party ? I just wanted him to keep his mother out of our relationship, did I really do something wrong?
It is hard to move on when he is coming back to my life. I try to look for solution but as you said, he should change. And develop strong and healthy boundaries with his mom.
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It is not a mistake for you to want a normal relationship. It is a mistake for you to want a normal relationship with this particular man. Currently, he is not capable of that. Possibly, he may never be.
I dated a really great guy who was overly involved with his mother. I saw that dynamic and drifted away. Afterwards, he met another woman, got married and had a daughter. The marriage didn't last. His mother eventually died. He is still living in his mother's apartment. He has no woman in his life. His mother wasn't as evil as the mother you're dealing with. However, I could see that she was number one in his life. That struck me as unhealthy. Even after she died, he still couldn't cultivate a normal, longterm relationship with a woman. He's a very nice guy. But something in him was, and remains, stunted.
The full maturation of a human being requires getting appropriately emancipated from parents at some point. Some individuals, who may be wonderful in lots of ways, never achieve that. Why that is may be a mystery. But it happens. For all I know, a person like that may not be capable of hitting that developmental milestone. At some point, it does start to become cruel to insist someone do so, when it may simply be beyond what they have the capacity for. It is tragic that anyone should be stunted like that . . . but it happens.