Yes. You were definitely abused by your mother. There is no question. I am so sorry this happened to you. You were treated cruelly and without respect and understanding.


So sorry you have depression and anxiety. There are many on this forum who also experience this, including myself.

Have you been to therapy? Do you want to change the way you relate to your sexuality?


There are people who make their way into the BDSM world when they find the need to cross-dress or explore their sexuality with embarrassment or humiliation. Have you tried BDSM?

If you do want to break out of the never-ending loop you might need to look into therapy that incorporates EFT-tapping and EMDR, maybe even Gestalt.


There is a good example of a trauma survivor who undergoes EFT-tapping in the Netflix show called "Heal".

I hope you find peace, healing and self-acceptance.