I wouldn't put these things under the heading of "boundaries issues." In no way does that lessen the importance of your concern. It does alter the nature of what response you can employ to be less distressed.

One approach is to simply suggest to the person that they do the proper thing. You could say something to the guy dumping the coffee. Personally, I might not because the guy is likely to just say something insulting back and not change the behavior. Still, it could be effective, depending on the force of your personality. You might try saying something humorous. Or say, "Hey Joe, it would be really nice if you would give that sink a rinse." or "Is that what you do at home. Doesn't your wife get mad?"

In the case of no help from a spouse, it is a lot more serious. If you tell your mate that they are not fairly sharing the load, and they demonstrate not giving a darn, then this is probably a marriage you want to get out of . . . as you did. Retaliation can be an approach, whereby you don't wash his clothes or his dishes, etc, hoping he gets motivated to pitch in.

Some people are "doers," and they tend to take up the slack of the neglectful people around them. If that's you, I'ld say just give yourself a pat on the back. I don't know that you can really change others. If you are habitually managing things that are other people's responsibility, then you might be the person who is transgressing boundaries. (I'm not saying you do that.) Sometimes you have to let people wallow in their own crap before they wake up to what they need to do about it. Good luck.