Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Unfortunately individuals that struggle with ADHD are prone to getting frustrated and having angry outbursts or temper tantrums. He needs to find a specialist that can help him learn how to manage these challenges better. These individuals genuinely have a hard time producing normal dopamine so they can get frustrated and genuinely not know what to do.
About 60% of these individuals end up self medicating with alcohol or marijuana or even stimulants like cocaine and tons of coffee in an effort to control how difficult the deficit ADHD presents. They are not purposely trying to abuse instead they need help learning how to manage this condition.
I had two therapists that are married to someone with ADHD and have a child that is ADHD as it is very hereditary. They are not stupid, in fact some can be very intelligent. My therapists wife has a genius IQ. It’s important they engage in a career that is suited for how their mind best works as they are prone to getting bored and can get distracted. Often they are very talented with cooking and many do well in culinary positions.
Our understanding of this challenge is still relatively new so there are many adults getting diagnosed for the first time.
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I think what you say sounds about right. It hasn't been until these past few years that I have come to understand that him having ADHD is not a meaningless footnote, but it actually affects his whole being.
He was diagnosed when he was young, but has never received real treatment for it, and I can see his parents don't quite see ADHD as a real thing. I recently learned it is a type of neurodiversity, which opened my eyes and now many things about him make sense. It's also the reason why I started telling him he should actually see a therapist to learn more about his condition and himself, and how to manage it.
He is SUPER smart, creative, very sensitive, passionate and empathic (and you're right on, he's a great cook!). But I can see how he has difficulties regulating his emotions and feels them more than the average person... including exasperation, which is the one I have the most trouble with. And looking at his family, I can see that it is also a learned behavior: all of them are intense people who love each other to death, but when they have arguments, they can get over the top and sometimes they even stop talking for a while because they got mad at each other... And they see this as very normal! And I am like "... this is not normal, this is actually kinda toxic".
The thing that I really appreciate about him is that, when he is calm, we can talk about things and he is very receptive to feedback. Sometimes he complains about his family and they way they behave, and when I point out that he behaves in a similar way, he tells me "if I ever do that again, could you just tell me so I can be mindful about it, please?". So his awareness is there, his intention to do better is there... however, he can fall back to his default mode as we humans naturally tend to do. Now that he's finally seeing a therapist, I am hopeful that he can learn more about himself and I can simultaneously learn more about him and how to support a partner that struggles with ADHD. I'm also interested in couple's therapy. We did it once in the past and it was a good experience. Maybe we should try it again as we get to learn more about ourselves individually.