Hi Sushi,

My thoughts are that he is sort of in a half-sandwich situation. I'm not there (nor will I ever be) but there are people who find themselves taking care of their parents and children and it is very taxing. You indicate you are his girlfriend - not fiancée nor wife. And am by no means diminishing the relationship, as I have a family member who never married and has children with his "wife" of over 20 years. Legal status may or may not be a factor.

As for the separation anxiety, sometimes I think that there are many problems in the USA because it is an individualistic society, but research shows that a good social network keep people healthier, happier, and live longer. In other countries, extended families are the norm and there is always someone there to talk to you, take care of you, etc. I strongly believe that a lot of the "anxieties" in this society are due to environmental/social factors. For example, children who turn 18 are expected to leave the house and it's very common for family members to live in different states. It's almost as if people don't want their family near.

I think what you are experiencing is entirely normal. You want to know that someone cares about you, that you are important to them, that they are there for you, etc.

There is a term called caregiver burnout. Perhaps your boyfriend and his mother are facing financial considerations; perhaps your boyfriend and/or his mother want to stay in the house and not be placed in a nursing home or something along those lines. I would say watch out for those signs because he may need respite.

I don't think your relationship is a disaster; this is real life. These are just thoughts. It's not easy. Hugs!

Blueowl