Quote:
Originally Posted by PapoPez22
The thing that I really appreciate about him is that, when he is calm, we can talk about things and he is very receptive to feedback. Sometimes he complains about his family and they way they behave, and when I point out that he behaves in a similar way, he tells me "if I ever do that again, could you just tell me so I can be mindful about it, please?". So his awareness is there, his intention to do better is there... however, he can fall back to his default mode as we humans naturally tend to do. Now that he's finally seeing a therapist, I am hopeful that he can learn more about himself and I can simultaneously learn more about him and how to support a partner that struggles with ADHD. I'm also interested in couple's therapy. We did it once in the past and it was a good experience. Maybe we should try it again as we get to learn more about ourselves individually.
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My abusive ex husband when calm was receptive to my feedback as well. And even though we had several "heart to heart" conversations about his abusive behaviors towards me, his behavior ultimately did not change. He went to individual therapy and we went to couples therapy for a year. Nothing worked.
I learned after the fact that couples therapy is not suggested for abusers.
Like I said, you are in for one hell of a ride with this man, if you continue to hang onto hope that he will change. My ex husband also grew up with a family that had explosive arguments. Learned behavior is just that.
So, you are now placing yourself into a position of codependency - which is to try and fix, understand, and help someone who is in fact, toxic and harmful to you.