Things have been going really good for the past little while, but in the past couple of days the situation around me has gone from good to bad.

Between my BF being stressed about work, I can't really go into details on that because of proprietary information, and him trying to figure out what we're going to do, he's gone over several options.

First off, things aren't going anywhere until after I've completed the Day Program at the university, I made that clear from the get-go, as I'm not sacrificing getting better for anything. I WANT MY LIFE BACK. I don't want to feel anxiety when I go to the grocery store on a busy day, I don't want to fear going out for a simple walk, I don't want to freak out when a homeless person walks up to me and asks for change. I don't want to hurt all the time.....I want to be HAPPY and HEALTHY.

My BF understands this and is very supportive.

I guess I should just cut to the chase......apparently things are going down with my BF's work that may affect his employment. He's spent that past few days mulling over what is going to happen and has come up with several options....one which I like, which means we get to stay here in the city. He's going to try getting a job with IBM and several other places. And Plan C...which is worst case senario, is to move back to Didsbury, where his Parents are....and where he had a thriving computer repair business.

We've talked this over, but since he brought the moving back to Didsbury up, I've had a gnawing feeling at the pit of my stomach....it's really uncomfortable....

I'm thinking that I'm using this post to actually get my thoughts down in writing.....maybe so I can put the pieces of the puzzle together...

My biggest issue with going back is lack of work...there isn't much there for someone with my many talents and qualifications...short of waiting tables in the bar or a restaurant.....both of which are going to give me a considerable pay and hour cut....I'd be going from $12/hour to at most $8/hour....not good....and I'd be unhappy.....

The second issue is the constant soap opera-ish dramas that happen in that town....when I lived there prior to moving here, it seemed that I was caught up in the drama....something I don't want to get into again.....especially when I know that my friends who are going through a particularilly nasty divorce are going to try to use me to get info about the other, and then try to play me one against the other.....I really don't want to deal with that.....there's just so much garbage that goes on within that town that I really don't want to go back.

I don't know if this is all making sense....because I'm so confused about it......