I had a similar issue around sex with my husband (now divorcing). It felt like humiliation. I sense this is strongly what you must have felt with your wife, too. The whole “just finish quick” thing was humiliating. Perhaps she did it intentionally to humiliate you. I always felt there was a S&M thing going on with us, only just psychological (not the way most do with leather and such). Emotional cruelty around sex causing humiliation.