"Ok, the one piece of your puzzle I keep in my mind is that your wife has AD/HD. When someone has this challenge it definitely brings a challenge to the relationship. If a therapist doesn’t have knowledge about AD/HD therapy won’t treat the real challenge and even couples therapy will not help."

I don't believe she has ADHD.

She, before we got married, had completed a Masters degree. She was very strong academically.

She sought ADHD medication as an off label solution for feeling chronically fatigued.

They're amphetamines.

I never, in all our history, had an inkling that she had ADD or ADHD. She went into the Dr office and questioned if all her anxiety symptoms could actually be ADD, failed the questionnaire about her ability to focus on tasks, and left with a prescription.


Why did I accept this anti sex behavior from her early in our marriage?

I had only dated three other girls. I didn't see myself as physically attractive. I always felt I could be loved, appreciated, be a good partner and parent, but not sexually desired.

I was also used to a chronic feeling of longing, which I equated with love.

So, I was pretty ripe for the picking. Being expected to do more, try harder, pursue her until she wanted me... That all fit with my image of myself.

I remember one argument when I said

I'm getting no affection, no compliments, and no sexual interest, and no sexual release. You're the only person I can turn to for this. What am I supposed to do?

"You wait."

I swear, that was the reply. That was after years of counselling and addressing these topics.

Also, the counselor said I was emotionally immature and sided with my wife that I had to do more and try harder.


RDMercer