I'm sad this evening. I was doing pretty good for the past week. About an hour ago, I started to feel depressed. I even started to think that I don't really want to be alive. Not that I'm in any danger of self-harm.

I didn't go anywhere yesterday or today. That could be part of the problem. I better get out of the house tomorrow. I should make a plan for the day. Right now I'm not even up to doing that.

I feel like I just don't matter much to anyone. I don't matter much to those who mattered the world to me. Maybe I should ask them if that's really true. Of course they'ld deny it. I won't say anything to anyone . . . except to say it here. It's the most hurt I've been in quite a long time. Well, Christmas was hurtful. I managed to get over that.

So I'm in pain this evening. I just want that to ease up. Not sleeping at night will make getting through this harder.

I have to figure out what to do so I don't feel so bad. Otherwise, life isn't worth it.