Hi Tisha,

We aren't together. This spiraled down and out of control in January.

The only child my wife is worried about seeing is our daughter. Our daughter has refused, because (1) Mom should be showing equal interest in all her kids (2) Mom knows that she can get child support payments for the daughter because of her age, and (3) Mom wasn't the reliable go-to parent, ever. I was. Daughter told her, "If I live with you I'll never finish high school."

Add to this that daughter won't drive with her mother. I have never seen her drive intoxicated, ever. But there are too many stories of fast, aggressive, reckless driving.

I have a background in adult education, and I've been considering some of these things, including the hyper-sensitivity aspect of ADD/ADHD. You are both right in that there are crossovers in traits and actions between ADD/ADHD and personality disorders.

The thing is, my wife's traits and actions became so, so unbelievably amplified in the last three years AFTER she began medications for ADD. A BPD or NPD person will often experience an increase in symptoms when on ADD medications.

In the end, I am facing that I was abused, since years. That she is disinterested in the kids. That everything she has done for years has been self serving.

I'm a good dad. I'm getting stronger and clearer, and it's becoming easier and easier to make decisions and plan for the future. She really did take that away from me.

I got three compliments recently that struck me. I won't tell anybody these in my actual life, but anonymously I want to share them: (1) My daughter's counselor asked me to join a session. She told me, "Your wife was with you because of your incredible strength and because of your protective nature. She chose you to exploit those traits." (2) The same counselor also said to our daughter, "You are best to put up very strong boundaries with your mom for at least a year, perhaps two. I know it's going to be hard to be with a single parent, but your Dad is uniquely qualified to support you. He knows so much and understands so much and he can teach you so much." (3) A long time friend told me, "She did everything she could to break you. When she found out she couldn't her only option was to leave. You actually outlasted your abuser."

RDM