Me and the kids are all in counselling separately. Four counselors, separately, flagged either borderline personality disorder, or covert narcissistic personality disorder, based on our experiences. Once I began learning about covert NPD, I thought I was going to vomit. It really resonated with me and the descriptions I have found really mirror my life expriences, including the intermittent reinforcement.

The sexual issues..... Very early on my wife was very interested in me, then it changed suddenly in our first year married, maybe our second. Yes, we struggled to talk about sex openly early on, but that definitely progressed and changed over the years. Intermittent reinforcement - once in a while, or for brief stretches at a time, we would have totally in-sync mind blowing sex. Then it would go away again.

We entered marriage counselling on several occasions.

Anyway. That has all been deeply explored on here over the years.

We are living estranged, separation is in progress. The kids are with my all the time.